Bare Bones Capital

Other acronyms are available.

Yes, a vaguely cryptic opening there to an experimental attempt at something that has been done before in a variety of different disguises. What we have here is a way of examining the London I have poked around recently without re-reviewing the wheel. So we will limit ourselves to descriptions of six words or less. This is a hopeless steal of the three word film reviews that exists somewhere out there on the Internet, but what the hell. We will do this in alphabetical order because it pleases the eye.

Borough Market: Tour, enjoy, pay through the nose.
Camden Town: Tribal student clothing and cheap didgeridoos.
Covent Garden: Mostly irritating.
East London: Don't bother straying from the river.
Greenwich: Why won't dogs leave me alone?
Kew Gardens: It's under a fucking flight path.
London Eye: Goes round in a big circle.
Notting Hill Carnival: Funky despite being squashed to fuck
Old Kent Road: Traffic lights and takeaways.
Oxford Street: Some shops.
Putney: Not Richmond, except the bar prices.
Richmond: Clue's in the title.
Shoreditch / Hoxton: A rich, dribbling and spent phallus.
Soho: Both refreshingly cheap and crushingly expensive.
South East London: Absolutely fuck all south of SE1.

Ye gods, once I have deleted all the white space there is little left. Which, since it is a bank holiday, will give you all the more time to decorate the spare room. Get to it, you idle fox.